Navigating difficult conversations can be challenging, especially with Thanksgiving right around the corner — a time when friends and family members gather to share meals, stories, and sometimes, opposing viewpoints. Whether it’s differing political beliefs, lifestyle choices, or values, the holidays often become a stage for conversations that can feel tense or emotionally charged. While these discussions can test our patience, they are important opportunities to practice active listening and show understanding. Below are some suggestions for how to navigate the family dinner table this holiday season in a productive way.
First, to find common ground, try to set up the table emotionally. According to Peter Coleman, a Psychology Professor at Columbia University, begin the night by “acknowledging everyone as loved ones with shared humanity to help create a connection that supersedes politics.” By setting up the table emotionally in this way, people can connect as humans first and foremost before conversations get out of hand. When the conversations, perhaps about politics, do begin, try to lead with empathy. Focus on trying to understand rather than reacting. In an article by Forbes, Rachel Bagby, an award-winning performance artist, international speaker, author, and poet, encourages the use of empathy to attempt to observe and gather information. This process might help anticipate arguments but also find potential common ground.
Keeping empathy in mind, let your values drive the conversation. Elizabeth Sadock, Ph.D., an Assistant Professor at Virginia Commonwealth University, encourages us to focus on how we express ourselves: “Thoughtfully considering our tone, language, and intention allows us to communicate in ways that reflect our values.” By centering the conversation around values, we can create more space for empathy and understanding, which may strengthen bonds with family and friends. Taking this approach makes conversations more personal. In an article for The New York Times, Parisa Parsa, the executive director of Essential Partners, a nonprofit organization based in Cambridge, MA, suggests these discussions don’t force individuals to compromise or weaken their stance. Instead, they can inspire respect and foster warmth. Additionally, Rachel Bagby suggests going for a walk during conversations about differing views to add movement and avoid getting stuck. Be sure to try this with someone you trust and feel comfortable with during silent moments. Ultimately, navigating these conversations thoughtfully can strengthen our relationships and remind us of the value in connecting despite our differences.